26/07/2024

I have lived most of my life in awareness of my own sin. I know that I have sinned by the misuse of my freedom. For many years I believed in the teachings of the Catholic Church and accepted her interpretation of God's will for mankind. I still do. 

Jesus told us to listen to the Pharisees but not to do as they do.

I was thus able to justify to myself the obvious sins committed by our shepherds over the centuries. The words "I will be with you always even to the end of time" were enough to silence the doubts I had. The most important link in the chain, however, was the Sacrament of Penance. I could never live in peace with the guilt I felt for my sins and the fear of dying in a state of mortal sin.

I thus had to believe that sacramental holiness could be found only in the Catholic Church and that "Thou art Peter and on this rock I will build my Church" was the foundation stone for the only objective holiness to be met in this world.  

I wanted for myself the peace of mind that comes from being faithful to God and obeying his will each day of my life. Over the centuries the Church founded on Saint Peter has been challenged internally and externally by this mission/duty.

It is not for the first time in the history of humanity that we have turned ourselves away from God. Jesus who is His declaration of Mercy for the whole world is also God's restatement and expansion of his revelation to Moses for those could not keep their side of the Covenants. The Godless descendants of those backsliders are, as I write this, again denying God as they slaughter without remorse their enemies, men, women and children in Gaza.

Our Christianity too, has never lived up to the teaching of its Rabbi. Jesus' explanation of the meaning of the "Parable of the Sower" could be interpreted as if our fate is predetermined in the soul which has been given to us by God. The truth is, however, that Jesus  throughout the Gospels teaches us by word and example that we have been created by the Love that is Father, Son and Holy Spirit and that we can follow his example and choose to become a one who is the rich soil within which God's Word can flourish.

Mercy and Holiness are a gift to those souls who seek it. They are not confined to any institution for all institutions are man-made and belong to this world. Peter too was aware that the John to whom Jesus had entrusted his mother was somehow "not of this world"; hence the "What of this man ?"

The Church, however, in both East and West soon lost the Spirituality of its Founder and for some centuries became indistinguishable from the institutions ruled by the  descendants of the Caesar, before whose representative Our Lord had declared "My Kingdom is not of this world".

The Institution founded by Jesus is now aware that its shortcomings cannot be concealed any longer and it really has no idea how to rectify the glaring failure it has become as was the Temple and its clerics 2000 years ago.

Dear Lord, Help me to grow in Faith, be secure in Hope and fulfilled by Love which I can share with all others. I do not wish to judge others but am never free from the awareness of  my own guilt. These years at the beginning of our century display humanity which is so part of this world that we are trying "to conquer" the Universe even though we cannot live by your commandments as individual souls. Let me be guided by Holy Spirit throughout this day and not be overcome by the tasks of this world which take over my being and have me forget the constant prayer which should fill my soul. May Mary, her parents and Joseph and John unite the prayers of all the saints in pleas for your forgiveness of all sinners, both here and in Purgatory, Amen.