31/01/2024

I am still more aware of this world than I am able to understand the ways of God. I have no idea what it is that is so wrong about "census taking" that it requires the depth of punishment that the prophet Gad offers to David as the "Word of the Lord".

Mark who had seen and spoken to the living Jesus is still a man of his time as was David. The census only counted "fighting men" and ignored women and children and Mark gives the names only of brothers, the men of the same generation as Jesus, living in the extended family. 

I have always found it difficult to face the guilt of my sins that I have committed in the full knowledge that I am choosing to break the commandments that were revealed to Moses. Just as did David I have chosen to set up a scenario that will absolve me from guilt in my own mind but always come to realise that it is, I who sin.

Why did you let me break my word to you O Lord? Please change your Law to fit in with my sinfulness. "Let my sin be justifiable" has often been my plea. I have been more than attached to the sins of the flesh. David knows this sort of consciousness of a guilty conscience and pleads with God, just as I do, for in the centre of his being there sings the voice of his soul created to become sinless and live a life of holiness. 

"Happy the man whose offence is forgiven, whose sin is remitted"

Dear Lord, am I right in thinking that it is my choice that creates evil? Are there so many of us choosing to say "no" to you that there is so much "unholiness" everywhere we look? How can little children who have been born into this corruption that we have made of your providence, come to you? Peter's Church has lost out to this world. Let your unseen Mystical Body flourish even within the disgrace of the Institutional Church so that our souls can be united with Mary and all the saints to bring the grace of your Mercy to us all struggling on Earth and in the Justice of Purgatory. As always I make my prayer in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.