10/06/2023

Why do I envy others? Why am I discontented with my life? 

The truth is that I am not discontented or envious at the moment. I am happy to wake up each morning and face the coming day without pain or fear. It has taken me a long time to reach this peace that comes only from a clear conscience. I thank God for remembrance of past sins and humiliations which tells me that I am now getting closer to being the person that I was created to be. 

Tobit and the poor widow are what we all are created to be. They are humble, thankful and in awe of the Lord. They live their lives in the full knowledge that they can be without sin and that whatever they enjoy or suffer in life it is what God has in store for them.

I know that I have sinned. I have humiliated myself in the eyes of the world by drunken escapades and other irresponsibilities which fill me with more than regret. The semi-contempt I feel for myself in that I am now "past it" in the eyes of the world and have turned to God in these my last days is countered by the knowledge that the Father accepts the salvation won for all mankind by the Son and it is through the working of Holy Spirit that I can accept the grace that fills me with joy and sing with Tobit. "Blessed be God for ever"

Dear Lord you know that I am sincerely seeking to make amends for the time I have wasted during my life. I hope that the realisation that all that happens in this life is a result of your providence and that Evil is a product of my sins is not false. Let the Holy Spirit continue to fill my soul and let my prayers be united with the prayers of Mary and all the saints to inspire all sinners to open their hearts to receive the grace which is the sole purpose of the being of all mankind.